So my line manager and I had a chat before Christmas and it was basically about how crap the employment was and how disheartened I had become after 10 months of trying to fill in applications and not actually getting anywhere. Not to mention some of the pressure I was feeling from certain outlets which really didn't help my ego. Yeah, I felt crap and helpless. It's one thing working for money and taking the pressure and another thing working as a volunteer for ages and getting less and less motivated because no one wants you (or they do but they can't afford more than one employee), and taking the pressure AND trying to boost your confidence at the same time. Nah, thanks mate.
I took the Christmas break to think about what I was doing with myself. I'd spent so long working on so many projects but really needed a break and some way of making myself realise again that I was good at working. Whatever I did. Even my manager knew it and told me that I was the kind of person who you could give a job to and be trusted to fulfil it to the finest detail. Yes, detail was everything and we kicked ass.
The one example she gave me was the Wandle Conference that we organised jointly back in April. As a volunteer I remember thinking that I should take a back seat and let Carla lead me in my work. But when we got to sitting down and sorting out the workshops we flowed. It was something that Carla was worried about and felt she would have to spend ages on it, go into overtime, revise over and over but with both of us working on it, we got it down in a matter of hours across a couple of days. Awesome :)
It occurred to me how much all my experience intertwined not only at the conference but in all the other projects had I taken part in delivering. I had applied all my teaching experience and events coordinating in putting together open days for the community garden and consultations for adults and children. I organised promotional material, venues, activities, the lot. I knew (and still do) that I was so capable of all the work I did, and more switched on than some other people who, although were better at me in things like current affairs or who were better travelled than me (and I have been to a few places as well...), still lacked the vital project managements skills that I owned.
I remember one day having a tense conversation with a colleague about the timings of two consultations (one with adults, one with children) that he had organised and that I was meant to be helping with on the day and the level of publicity (which was minimal) he had given it and the likelihood of having lots of people attend. He was adamant that he was right and that his plan would work and that as a volunteer (I think he must have thought I was an inexperienced intern) I was wrong. I ended up demonstrating the timing of actually doing the activities in the midst of the meeting and counting aloud the seconds that it was taking, then multiplied it to the level at which the activity was meant to take place. Grudgingly the timings were amended. As for the attendees, I told him that from the level and type of publicity he had given the consultations, we'd be lucky if we had one. I was right again. Plan B of grabbing people off the streets took place (which was quite successful) and we were both happy. Don't mess with the Mayster.
Anyway, in January I gave them my notice. Three weeks so that I could tie up loose ends for the community garden, do some tree planting that I'd promised another colleague I'd help out with, and do some phoning around to find a project in Bexley that we could use some funding for. Tomorrow is my second last day. My three week plan is almost accomplished with additional admin (like my 2 months of expenses!) thrown in.
And what am I going to do my time now? Well, the General Manager at the Rose offered me the opportunity to work as a Supervisor. Sweet. Yes please! A small payrise but at least I get the experience and more importantly for the moment, the confidence boost. Nice :-) I've taken a week off from the pub to calm down from the hype of the holidays and this month and will be starting my new role next week. I'll do that until I get confidence boost number 2 - a position as Community Project Officer in an environmental setting. That would be the most wonderful thing ever. Please? x
